Gorgonzola and Sunflower Seeds
by hyacinthian
Summary: Josh Lyman knew he would remember this day for a long time. Today wasn’t just a Big Block of Cheese Day. Today, he could practically see the Gorgonzola raining down.


Title: Gorgonzola and Sunflower Seeds

Author: ScarlettMithruiel

Classification: I have no idea.

Rating: PG-13

Disclaimer: Joshua Lyman does not belong to me. And if you ever find life giving you Lyman, please…don't make Lymanade. Keep him or give him to me. Mulder does not belong to me. If he did, the last two seasons quite possibly would _not _have happened.

Summary: Josh Lyman knew he would remember this day for a long time. Today wasn't just _a _Big Block of Cheese Day. Today, he could practically see the Gorgonzola raining down.

Author's Note: Sorry if it's bad. It originally was supposed to be an H, but leave it to me to try and write lighthearted and get something completely different. Sorry if Mulder's OOC. I kept trying to write Mulder _well _and ended up writing Crazy!Mulder. So, pardon.

Josh Lyman was in apprehension. He had no intention of going to work today. But he had to. The country didn't exactly run itself. Well, he was only one staffer out of thousands, but he had an important job. He'd gone to work when he was sick before. The only times he missed work was if he was deathly ill. _Or on your deathbed. _He never liked that voice in his head. It was pessimism and cynicism. He practically exuded confidence from his pores, so that voice wasn't very loud anyway.

Today, Josh wanted to not go to work today for the sheer purpose of accomplishing one task. He would _finally _avoid Big Block of Cheese Day. But Leo had known him for a long time. He also had a strong idea that if he didn't go to work today, Donna and Leo would show up at his apartment door and _create _an individualized Big Block of Cheese Day for him. They'd import the "Cartographers for Social Equality" again or something.

He sighed. He would be a man. He would go to work today. Begrudgingly, almost like a five-year-old who didn't get his snow day, he walked over to his wardrobe and began changing into his dress shirt.

Josh Lyman walked into work, a smile gracing his features. It was amazing what getting stuck in a circle could do to you. It could definitely make you feel better when you were screaming at some other driver. He grinned and walked into work. Pouring himself a cup of coffee, he headed into his office to find Donna sitting in his chair. "Donna!" She flashed him a grin.

"Good morning to you too, Joshua." She got up and handed him a pink post it. "Come on. Big Block of Cheese Day." He groaned, but followed her anyway. He felt like shouting _To the Roosevelt Room! _which was usually characteristic of a superhero, but he didn't. He could just imagine the look he'd get.

Seated along with his fellow staff members, he waited for Leo's ceremonial speech. Sam's head was in his hands, and by the sight of the fresh dark circles working their way under the old dark circles, he hadn't gotten a lot of sleep last night. CJ was toying with her necklace. They were definitely bored.

Leo walked in, looking as cheerful as ever. Margaret hid in the corner. "Good morning, everyone." There were scattered replies. "Andrew Jackson had, in the main foyer of his White House, a big block of cheese. The block of cheese was gigantic—over two tons. And it was there for any and all who might be hungry. Jackson wanted the White House to belong to the people…"

"The calcium deficient people," a staffer quipped. Leo looked around and gave a general glare to all of them, since he couldn't find who it was.

"It is in the spirit of Andrew Jackson that I, from time to time, ask senior staff to have face-to-face meetings with those people representing organizations who have a difficult time getting our attention." He turned to Margaret. "Hand out the assignments." The chattering began again.

Josh looked at his assignment. The FBI. Subgroup:Fox Mulder with the X-Files.Didn't sound too bad.He _was _with the FBI. "What do you have?" He turned to CJ. She sent him a glare.

"Deal with your own problems, Joshua."

Josh retreated into his office to findhim in there already. He turned to Donna. "He's your Big Block of Cheese thing."

"He's here already?"

"I like to be punctual," the man chirped from inside the office. Josh mentally cursed and headed into his office. "Fox Mulder." He shook his hand.

"Okay. Why did you request the White House's attention?" Mulder took a deep breath.

"I think…there is an ongoing conspiracy to disprove the existence of extraterrestrials, as well as my existence, by the federal government." Josh exhaled loudly. _Big Block of Cheese Day indeed._

"Now, let me get this straight," Josh started. "You were in the X-Files. It burned down, but it was eventually reopened. During this time, the government…pursued you…in an attempt to kill you, or discourage you from the X-Files." They nodded. Josh sighed.

"Look, Mr. Lyman. I know it sounds a bit farfetched…"

"Yeah," he replied. "Just a bit."

"Mr. Lyman, did you by any chance get offered a card to escape nuclear destruction by a government group?" Josh thought back. Yeah, the NSA guy _had _offered him one. He had refused.

"Yes."

"That card was so they could identify you, Mr. Lyman. You would have gotten abducted by aliens…"

"I assume you're not talking about the ones from Cuba."

"And they would have implanted in you a chip and if you successfully became an alien/human hybrid, you would have survived."

"This is like Darwin's theory of Evolution on steroids." He could tell Mulder was getting frustrated. He dug in his pocket and set his ID on the table.

"I don't exist anymore, Mr. Lyman. You can go check. I was a wrench in their plans, so I've been eliminated." Standing up, the man left, leaving Josh alone with his thoughts. He had never really believed fiercely in the paranormal, but this man's ideas had burrowed into his brain. He headed for the J. Edgar Hoover Building. Greeting his FBI contact, he asked if he could check a person out on the computer. The man protested slightly, but then agreed. Josh had written the man's badge number down. He entered the number in. Bold red type glared back at him. "Number is not valid."

He turned to see his friend. "Hey, where's the basement?"

The man laughed at him. "There's no basement to the FBI building, Josh."

Josh nodded. As he started to head down the hall towards the lobby, he changed his mind, and headed for the elevator. He pushed the lowest floor number. As everyone slowly filtered out of the elevator, he found the silent ride down peaceful. _The calm before the storm. _It was just boilers and things like that down here, he mused. Almost mirroring the steam pipe trunk distribution venue. He wandered around and found no evidence of an office. _That man must have been delusional_. As he headed for the elevator, something caught his eye. He walked over to the nearby maintenance closet and squatted. He saw something sticking out of the ground. He dug. Dusting his hands off, he pulled it out. A shiny, gold nameplate that read: Fox Mulder.

He had returned to the White House later that night and kidded about Big Block of Cheese day with all of them. He had put the nameplate in an empty drawer, with the man's ID, and locked it. This man, for all intents and purposes, did not exist in the FBI or anywhere, but he had the man's nameplate, found on the last floor of the FBI building, and the man's ID. Someone in that building knew this man existed and had tried to completely erase every part of him. Including burying his office. Josh Lyman clenched his jaw. Somewhere the truth was out there. And he could almost see the shadow of it in the corner of his office. A gigantic piece from a two-ton block of Gorgonzola.

Author's Note: You can almost see CSM smoking in the background, can't you?


End file.
